Updated: Oct 26, 2022
So, a misunderstanding has happened.
We function in a very digital world nowadays, which has only been heightened by the recent pandemic. A vast majority work from home, Zoom calls replace conference calls, Facetime replaces coffee with our friends and family. So it seems only natural for us to gravitate towards the digital as a means of communication for a misunderstanding as well.
Many people simply fear full, in-person confrontation for a multitude of different reasons and may prefer a more roundabout way of approaching a person over a misunderstanding.
People can fear confrontation for many reasons.
Charley Reid says there are 6 distinct reasons:
Due to your upbringing. Trauma or abuse in your household growing up can make any kind of confrontation seem aggressive-- even if that other individual would never intend it in that way. Raised voices and big body language could send someone who has been abused into fight or flight mode immediately.
You fear failure. Being wrong or incorrect and being called out for that can be embarrassing. We never like to feel ostracized from our “tribe”.
You’re afraid you might not be liked. Same reason as above: not being liked means being kicked out of the group, and our primal brains tell us that also equals death. Sometimes not speaking up is an act of self-preservation.
You’re outnumbered. Standing up is tough when it’s against just one other person. Being against a group makes it even more intimidating.
You’re not confident in your delivery. Being afraid you won’t get your point across in an articulate or proper way can make you feel awkward. It makes you feel like you’re simply fumbling through, and worry that no one will take it seriously
You speak before listening. Sometimes in a spur confrontation, our mouths start before the brain has had a chance to catch up. Leading to perhaps even more misunderstanding, and leaving the other person feeling bulldozed.
Confrontation is uncomfortable, and our brains don’t like that. So we find ways to avoid it or make it go away quicker.
But is that really helping the problem at all?
Are we walking away better people from the experience? Or are we simply starting the timer and having a bomb explode in our faces?
ZForm can help ease the “in your face”-ness of confrontation. It formalizes the intent behind the interaction. When you’re filling out the form, you have a chance to go through all your bullet points and thoughts in a calm, controlled manner. And, simultaneously, the other person has a chance to read your thoughts thoroughly before they decide on their own.
Instead of firing off a “why did you do XYZ???” e-mail, or angrily confronting them at the moment, ZForms can give a detailed jumping point to ensure you’re coming from a calm, non-judgemental place. It’s simply the prelude to the discussion, but in a way that puts everything out there for both parties. Neither individual will feel sidetracked or “attacked”, and it serves as an excellent guideline to bring you both back if things do get heated.
You could even add in the form that you tend to stutter when nervous, or your voice subconsciously raises-- it just gives the other person a heads up to what kind of conversation may transpire. It’s like a neutral third party in the room with you, helping you sort out whatever misunderstanding may have transpired so both people can move on more educated with their relationship intact.
Most of the work when you have a talk/confrontation/disagreement/misunderstanding/etc is keeping yourself calm enough to understand what is going on. Instead of just waiting for your turn to talk, you are calmly listening and absorbing everything the other person has to say.
Plus, much more is said than just a string of letters in an e-mail. Tones are missed, inflections incorrect. It is very difficult to truly understand where a person is coming from when you only have the digital.
So, connect better! Let the ZForm help.