Fear of Love
Updated: Feb 16
Why being afraid keeps you lonely
Did you know you may be suffering from PHILOPHOBIA?
Philophobia is a fear of falling in love. It can also be a fear of getting into a relationship or fear that you will not be able to maintain a relationship. Many people experience a minor fear of falling in love at some point in their lives. But in extreme cases, philophobia can make people feel isolated and unloved (X)
I do not mean to call out individuals who are simply content by themselves, not attached to anyone. That is very much okay if you are happy with your status. Even when others question your motives behind this seemingly "unusual", or "not normal" decision, you stand by it and that, my friend, is very much okay. You do not have to be in a relationship. Do not let society dictate how you choose to live your life.
No, I am calling out our anxiety-ridden philophobes. What is keeping you sulking in your own self-pity? Do you really want to be in a relationship, or would you rather be alone? Are you succumbing to the pressures of society telling you how you have to be attached to someone? Or is it really you the one in search for that perfect someone, your person.... your very own lobster? If in the latter category, the answer, just like with any other self-improving narrative, lies within you.
FEAR, the great motivator behind staying STUCK forever and letting others dictate your moves, is the culprit behind your longing and loneliness. But what are you afraid of? We all know fears are generally unrealistic and based on prior experiences. The function of fear is that of self-protection. Protection from anything and everything. In this case, protection against being rejected or hurt. When you operate with fear, you are telling yourself and the world that you would not be able to cope with rejection or hurt if it came your way. You, in fact, are so inadequate, that would curl into a ball if someone betrayed your trust, rejected your offer or simply told you "no."
What is behind your fear of relationships?
Past experiences. There is always some sort of emotional trauma behind your fear. Look back and explore past relationships. In this exploration, the first ones to look into are your parental relationships. They serve as the blueprint for your current or lack of relationships.
Cultural experiences. Are you being pressured to get into a relationship because that is the norm within your culture? If this expectation does not sit well with you, fear of relationships may emerge.
Fear of rejection. Yes, the body and mind connection continue to amaze me. There is proof of how rejection mimics actual physical pain in the body. At times, if you have been rejected over and over again, the emotional scarring is hard to overlook. In this instance you have two options: stay lonely and be okay with it (no whining or self-deprecatory statements) or take a chance to love once again in an attempt to rewrite your story or redraft your blueprint.
If you decided to take a leap into the net of uncertainty, Z for LOVE is here to help. While the chances you take are all yours and need to be owned by non-other than you, Z for LOVE can help bridge your desires with that potential someone. Z for LOVE reaches out to that person in good faith with the hopes that this risk bears good fruit. At the very least, it puts your intentions out there and in someone else's court. And worry not: There is a chance this wanted other, is also weighed down by the same fears and that your approach is actually heaven-sent.